Youngsters, shield your eyes.
Because I am a writer and I like to get paid, I am going out on a limb and trying something new. Something out there. Something out there-out there. I am attempting to write erotica. Which might just be the most embarrassing sentence I have ever written.
I'm not sure what I'm thinking. I've never been a big reader of smut. (Playboy for the articles? Please. There are pubes to be mocked!) Mostly I find it mortifying. Why so serious, lovemakers? You're getting it on with a sexy mechanic behind the Fill 'n Lube! There's comedy in them thar hills! And as someone who's had to think up multiple words for "penis", I can vouch for the goofy. I suspect that my attempt will be a total bomb but if by some crazy twist of fate Bust publishes it in their One-Handed Read (law of attraction, law of attraction) I will never let anyone know. Ever.
Schlong. Rod. Johnson. Cock. Wang. Dick. Bait and Tackle. Golden Phallus. Member. Jimmy. Sausage. Tool... Keep 'em coming! (Ba-da-CHI!)