Thursday, August 20, 2009

KIDS.

Need some quick advice, parent-types.

What's the appropriate way to handle little jerks? I'm talking about those little a-holes on the playground who scream "Go away!" or "I don't like you!" when my guy toddles up to them with a big smile, hoping to play. I know what to do when they're, say, 7 (kick 'em and run) but these kids are 2, maybe 3, so I have to go easy. Plus, they're going to be in my son's class in September so making enemies ain't the way to go. I feel like there has to be a way to get them to be nice (other than that saying something useless like "Be nice") that's developmentally appropriate but still gets the point across. Also, any advice on what to do when I see this behavior happening? I don't want to coddle Owen but he looks so heartbroken and confused when kids close to his age shun him. I don't know how to explain it to him in a way he'll understand.

Help?

5 comments:

Petunia Face said...

Oh my god, I so want to follow up to read these comments. I have the same issue: my 3 year old girl is a gentle soul, very open. The look on her face when another kid grabs a toy from her roughly or doesn't talk to her, doesn't play with her--it shatters me!

ktbuffy said...

So far, we've been able to appeal to Kaylee's desire to have good manners, and can tell her the other child isn't making a good decision -- which may work on a four year old, but is harder with two year olds, I'm sure.

I bet there's other kids and parents on the playground that feel the same way you do about the mean kids -- can you gang up with them?

Anonymous said...

We have a similar situation, but older kids physically hurting him cos he wants to play with them, rather than same age kids emotionally hurting him. (But 3 is double Owen's age. Seems close to us, but a big difference developmentally for them).

I have no problem coddling at this age so tend to try and stop the situation from developing in the first place. That also keeps me away from the awkward area of intervening in other kids (strangers) behavior. My responsibility is to keep my kid safe, not to help some other brat become a better person.

As for explaining it to them, don't think they do understand personal rejection for no damn reason at this age - hell I don't WANT him to understand it yet!

So yeah I am going with "avoid the situation in the first place and hope it gets more manageable with time", which is no help to you.

Hmm or is it? Once they are classmates and become known to each other (and you to their parents) hopefully that will both make the kids not quite so aggressive as much as Owen won't be a stranger (or make Owen less hurt as he learns that so-and-so is just loud and no fun to play with so don't bother to try), and also give you more rights to intervening when necessary. (If a kid in my mothers' group was bothering my kid and their mum wasn't around to step in then I'd have no problem taking over instead of just removing my kid, and also no problem with them doing same for me. But I would have a problem with strangers in the park telling my kid off.) So hopefully come September the issue will at least get a bit less murky. Plus there'll be teachers to help! Ask them what to do - they are the experts.

Tor said...

oops that was me rabbiting on way too long of course

filthEdesign said...

i can't remember that far back! how crazy is that...

ultimately kids are much more resilient than we want to think they are and having a consistently safe place/parent to run back to will be the best thing for him. personally, i had to take a look in the mirror when i found myself holding grudges against kids who were mean to mine (talking 9-10 y/o) meanwhile my son was out playing with them the next day...

obviously at that age i could have a reasonable conversation with him - but i did usually find that my problem was bigger than his in these situations...