Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Or maybe I'll just have some pie.

I want to be effortlessly cool. I want to be the type of woman who can throw on that t-shirt and jeans combo that's supposed to be universally flattering but really only works on a select few. The type who can pile her hair under a floppy crochet beret and wear heavy bangs and vintage sundresses. I want to rock chunky, menswear glasses. I want to wear ballerina flats and my husband's button downs and suspenders without being asked if it's laundry day.

I want to look ethereal without makeup.

I'm a particularly unattractive shade of blue today over the gal I Am Not. This is the trouble with trolling Facebook - you're bound to stumble upon the person you wish you were. You may not know this person - you probably found them completely randomly, they just happened to have an interesting profile pic - and now you're stuck on the schlumpy side of the street. It's not that you're unhappy with your life - the "life" part is great - you just wished you looked a little more awesome while living it.

I keep reminding myself that there's a reason that Envy is one of the seven deadly sins but jesus, I can't think of a single one I don't engage in on a daily basis.

I'm not sure what this has to do with motherhood, other than suspecting that I'm not alone in my schlumpitude. Maybe it's the potbelly that refuses to tighten or looking at pictures of Jessica Alba in a bikini 3 months post-partum or sitting in a casting office surrounded by pre-baby versions of me but I feel the urge for some sort of major overhaul. I fully realize that beauty comes from within and it's all about your attitude and Here's-the-name-of-a-wonderful-therapist but all I want to do is fantasize about winning the lottery or discovering my latent inner French woman. Can I ask Santa for that?


elisava said...

i hear ya lady. i think this gets especially bad as the baby approaches one year old. i know i was like "a YEAR? i expected to be a wreck for awhile after the birth, but a YEAR?". and there's that depressing feeling that everyone else is chugging along just fine without you, looking good, having adventures, while you clean up the floor AGAIN. please just remember that we're all in the same boat. i'm sure you're doing better than you think!

Ali said...

Eh, I'm feeling better now. I just needed a primal scream.

elisava said...

good to hear it. i remember always hearing about how having a baby was so hard on the body, and how parenthood was difficult, and how being a stay-at-home-parent was isolating. i always secretly thought... well, not for me, i'm special. but it is hard, difficult and isolating. but i wouldn't trade it for the world. (although i miss sleeping in... maybe one day a month? babies, can you give me break? maybe just one morning a month?)

Ali said...

I agree, about the sleep and the not trading it all in. (Although if I could look just a touch hotter while doing it I wouldn't complain. Ah, who am I kidding? I'd totally still complain!)

Colleen said...

Oh, Alisha, I am so there with you on this one. Unfortunately my baby is five years old so I can't really excuse my growing pot belly with the "just had a baby" thing. I also tried a positive thinking thing I found in a magazine where I had to tell myself "I have a CUTE pot belly" until I started believing it (I'm serious, this was in a magazine, and yes, I did try it for about one day).

I'm beginning to realize that when you have daughters, you are kind of watching them grow up to replace your spot in the world. They are getting taller and prettier and have their whole lives ahead of them, especially the fun stuff like college--and I am getting older and grayer and have uncertainty ahead. Maybe it's because I was a little older when I had my children and wasn't able to bounce back like I thought I would, I don't know.

If it's ANY comfort you look terrific in your photos!

Ali said...

Oh C, would you please start writing a blog? You put things so perfectly.