Never say "Well that was easy!" after putting your child to bed.
Don't reach for that glass of wine, all smug over the fact that the baby went down in record time. Don't wander over the the computer to check Facebook, all rosy with Day Over, content to crow that the boy was even a little bit awake (just like in the books!) because I guarantee, five minutes later:
"Hi! Hihihihihi! Mama?"
Is there some sort of 11 month milestone that I've missed? One that causes extreme alertness? Because dude does not-does not-does noooooot want to sleep anymore. Night time is still bearable (after I go back in he usually conks out quick) but naps? Please. I've been off the sleep books for awhile but I thought that nearly-11 month olds were only supposed to be going 2 1/2 - 3 hours between sleeps. Am I behind the times? Because baby is having none of that. He might handle a 3 hour before his first nap but that second one... He'll easily go four, sometimes more. (Sometimes there won't be any nap at all and he'll go for seven or eight hours before collapsing in a heap at 5:45, even though mama and dada did their DAMNDEST to convince the boy that sleep was necessary. Love those days.)
He CAN'T be transitioning to one nap. He can't. I won't allow it. Maybe it's the teething or the constant urge to stand (with help from mama. We've just mastered crawling; walking is probably still a ways away) or maybe there's a neurological thing I just don't know about but I can't for the life of me figure out how to control these naps. I'm trying very hard to let him lead but it's frustrating not knowing when my next break is. (That's what naps are really for, right?) Bless those of you who were able to get your kid on a schedule but my boy wants nothing to do with that nonsense. TRY AS I MIGHT. Plus I have a child who gives no sleep signals. None. Once in a blue, blue moon I'll get a yawn or a half-hearted eye rub but usually all I have to go on is my gut and a slight pinkish hue around the eyes. And Weissbluth's "9 and 1" schedule can bite my ass. Bite it. BITE. IT.
Is this normal? Is there some crazy developmental thing that I missed? And is there a magic elf who will clean my house and cook my meals so that I can blog during naps instead of work because I'm really wanting one of those.