Wowee wow wow, peeps. Friday night was a doozy. That whole, "yeah, I'm off to bed now" thing I thought I was doing after logging off last? Please. Baby Homeslice is nursing some sort of crazy voodoo curse that forces him to crawl instead of sleep. I know I'm OMG-ing this crawling-while-sleeping thing to death but kiddo was up EVERY 40 MINUTES. We haven't had that kind of misery since Month Three. Every 40 minutes there he'd be, sobbing in his crib, rocking back and forth on all fours. This went on from 6 pm until almost 2 am. The poor kid was practically hysterical by the end, and frankly so were we. Finally we decided to give him some Infants Motrin (he was also grinding his teeth really hard) and that conked him out until 6:45 am. Today it's back to the 40 minute naps with long stretches of whining and frustration in between. I've done enough reading to know that this is just a phase and nothing to get all panty-twisted about, but whenever things are going wonky I immediately assume that it's permanent. (My child will never self-soothe again, he'll co-sleep forever and we'll spend the next 18 years waking up every 40 minutes!) Everybody says that once he's able to crawl he'll sleep beautifully, perhaps even better than before, and man, I'm ready for that. Have you seen the ballet "The Red Shoes"? In it, a woman buys a pair of red shoes that she can never take off and they force her to dance until she dies of exhaustion. That's what this crawling thing reminds me of. I've actually had to start holding him down during sleep to keep his body from forcing him up on all fours. I'm not sure how to help him with this. Can you teach a kid to crawl? Technically he has done it but most of the time he gets the legs going and ends up in Down Dog. Then he gives up and just belly crawls to whatever it is he wants. But he's trying... Really, really trying...
Speaking of trying (emotionally, at least) - the whining? MAN. I completely understand how hard it is to be a baby, I'm super sympathetic, but the boy has recently latched onto a certain pitch that short circuits my sanity. Actually, there's been a whole lot of button pushing going on lately. I don't know if it's him or me but I'm finding it very hard to be the Mother I Want To Be lately. He's definitely asserting himself, which is fantastic. Theoretically. In practice... Is it horrible to admit that it's kind of maddening? Take the nap I just finished putting him down for (that was a horribly constructed sentence); he was super, super tired (overtired, probably) and would not sleep. He has discovered that he can push himself away from me and so now when I'm trying to rock him, all he wants to do is straighten his arms (or his legs. That's my faaaaavorite) so that I can't hold him. Then he cries and flings his head on my chest and rubs his eyes and babbles baby nonsense about how he doesn't WANT to go to bed until I get fed up and put him in the crib for a Time Out (which, as we all know, is totally for me). Finally I dosed him with Infant Motrin and sang songs with lyrics and he drifted off. But it bugged me, you know? It bugs me when he acts willful, which is a terrible thing to admit. I should be grateful that I have a kid who's ABLE to act willful! Of course then I started spiriling about what a lousy parent I am and how I'm going to ruin my child for life and I shouldn't have gotten so mad when he kicked at me when he was on the changing table because he wasn't really kicking AT me, even though he scowled and grunted and aimed for me, and I REALLY shouldn't have swatted him with his blankie because of it (really shouldn't have done that...) and on and on until I exhausted myself with self-doubt.
I didn't think this crap started until he was 2. What gives, yo? Anyone else feeling like a shitty parent this week?
(Off topic - I need to find something else to relieve teething/growing pain. I feel like I'm constantly giving him pain relievers and as someone who believes in medicating only when necessary, this much Motrin makes me nervous. Frozen teethers work okay - I know you're not supposed to freeze them but he's not interested unless they're really cold. I always wet them so they won't stick to his gums and I hold them so his fingers don't freeze. He absolutely refuses to open up for Orajel but all the homeopathic stuff but seem about as effective as lip balm. What did you do when the teething got bad? Also, if anyone knows how to cook cauliflower for baby food so that it doesn't stink up the joint, I'm all ears.)