Oh the crazy cuteness. Today Will laughed in his sleep. He's a big time sleep grinner but he's never laughed before. (He's never laughed, period!) It was insanely adorable. Definitely makes the nonstop nap battle more bearable. But only slightly.
Napping. Sleeping. Ugh. Any of you find this scenario familiar?
7:30 am: Wake up. T-shirt askew, baby semi-attached, nipple literally hanging out of his mouth. Panicked because I can't find glasses and am practically blind without them. Remember that glasses are tucked underneath pillow because I couldn't figure out how to reach the night stand while breastfeeding without losing a nipple. Frustrated that I allowed Will to sleep with us entire night but emotion quickly quelled by the fact that he slept for hours.
7:30 - 8:15 am: Park Will in bouncy seat. Take world's fastest shower, empty diaper bin, scoop cat litter, make coffee for husband, tea for me. (Will the caffeine keep the kid awake? Decide for forgo tea.) Try to ignore the fact that Matt won't be home for almost 10 hours. Realize I might need caffeine to survive day.
8:30 am: Orange alert! Fussing begins. Grab Will's swaddling blanket. Arms wiggle free immediately. Re-swaddle amidst cries. Arms wiggle free. Get increasingly frustrated with blanket that claims to be "one size fits all". Break out the duct tape as a last resort. Momentarily consider taping baby's arms down but maintain sanity and use tape in place of velcro. Will cries in frustration. Within seconds, arms wiggle free.
9:01 am: Turn on white noise, gently place Will on shoulder and begin back patting.
9:02 am: Fussing and wiggling.
9:03 am: Kid begins banging head on shoulder and rubbing face across my chest. (Is this rooting?) Crying increases.
9:04 am: Chicken peck, chicken peck, chicken peck...
9:05 am: Could he be hungry? Because I was asleep, I have no idea when he last ate...
9:06 am: Baby on the boob.
9:20 am: Will is passed out on the boob. Guess it wasn't hunger.
9:20-9:40 am: The waffling begins. Do I let him sleep on me so he'll get a good nap (But I have to pee!) or do I move him to the crib, knowing full-well he'll wake up in 20 minutes (His nap will be shot!)
9:40 am: Hoist 20 lb. car seat into the crib, hoping for a happy medium. Manage not to wake Will during process. Gently ease baby into car seat. Hold breath.
9:40-10 am: Read "No Cry Sleep Solutions" while waiting for Will's inevitable 20 minute jolt. Realize I'm doing everything wrong. Start to panic.
10 am: Stirring... (20 minutes on the dot.)
10:00 am: Hold breath... (Maybe he'll go back to sleep...)
10:01 am: Will's eyes open.
10:02 am: Jiggle car seat while shushing. Supposedly this works.
10:03 am: Eyes now wide open.
10:03 am: Jiggle harder.
10:04 am: Yawns. Blinks at me. Grins. (Jiggling frantically...)
10:05 am: Wide fucking awake.
10:06 am: Pick up, resettle in rocker, and resume back patting. Chicken pecking begins. Again.
10:07 am: He's really rooting. Maybe he's hungry for reals this time?
10:08 am: Back on the boob.
10:30 am: Will is passed out on the boob.
10:40 am: Try to ease back into car seat. Unfortunately he's not falling for it this time. Eyes open immediately.
10:41 - 11:00 am: Bounce on exercise ball. Kid not having it.
11:00 am: Decide to call it a day. Plop Will into bouncy seat and fix some breakfast.
11:05 am: Fussing. Plop him into swing. Continue fixing breakfast.
11:10 am: Fussing escalates into crying. Remove him from swing and move to bouncy ball. Bounce vigorously. Crying increases. Move to rocker. Crying turns frantic.
11:15 - 11:40 am: Grab Baby Bjorn and strap him in. Bounce in Bjorn until finally asleep. Realize that I've been trying to get this kid to sleep for almost 3 hours and I still haven't eaten, had tea, or brushed teeth.
Things I vowed I'd never do: 5 (co-sleep, bounce to sleep, rock to sleep, breastfeed to sleep, have a child who couldn't sleep)
Years I fear I'll be sleeping with my child: 3
Level of frustration: 10
Level of love (He laughed!): 100
Maybe 3 months is the magic age...
*Please note: When we tried "drowsy but awake" approach he cried for 8 hours the first night, 9 the second. In the immortal words of Pepe Le Pew: Le sigh...