Friday, January 4, 2008

Was blind but now I see

Welcome to the world of BETTER PLACE. After two weeks of misery and self-defeat, I'm back in fighting form. And by "fighting form" I mean "zzzzzz..."

Sorry if I worried anybody with my earlier, hormone-induced rant. Clearly one should not blog while freaking. Thanks for your great, great advice and reassurance. You guys are so smart. And gorgeous. Have I mentioned gorgeous?

I met with a postpartum doula yesterday and I'm feeling all kinds of better. It definitely weren't cheap (I've gotta get into the doula racket) but seriously, best money I ever spent. So after fourteen days of weeping and flailing and gnashing of teeth, what was the problem?

Nothing. Turns out I'm fine. How embarrassing is that?

You'd think I'd have learned a thing or three, being a nanny for so many years but, eh, not so much. I was under the mistaken impression that whenever Will cried or rooted for the breast he must be hungry. So I'd feed him. And feed him and feed him and feed him. Needless to say, after three-hour sessions at the Boobtown Buffet (followed by hospital grade pumping), my titties were starting to squeak. Because he would still be fussy even after all that time at the boob, I assumed I wasn't producing enough milk to meet his neigh-on-10-pound needs. And let me tell you, a sore, sleep deprived, filled-to-the-brim-with-grade-A-anxiety Ali is not pretty. Has anyone seen that clip of a self-medicated Paula Abdul weeping hysterically over having to design costumes for the Bratz movie? Before I gave birth I thought it was hysterical. Now, I completely understand.

Among a myriad of other useful things, Wonderdoula showed me how to get him to latch without pain, how to put him in the sling (I HAVE ARMS AGAIN!) and helped me formulate a plan so I can actually consider leaving the house. (14 days. But who's counting?)

So yes friends, I am back. I'm still working on fumes but at least I'm here. And here is good.

Birth story to follow!


Valerie said...

Yeah, to breastfeeding that just might work out!

Doulas and Lactation consultants, once you get the ones that help it all seem ok, are definitely worth it.

Hang in there!

Valerie said...

ok, "hang in there"? That was lame. But what can I say, the sleep deprivation of having a baby that is 24/7 responsibility is nigh impossible to describe until you've experienced it.

There's nowhere to go but through.

But he's cute and smells good right? That'll see you through until some smiles come in. :)

Missy said...

Woo Hoo! Glad that things are getting better.

The sling is a lifesaver I tell ya. #2 used to conk out about 30 seconds after I put her in there. Needless to say she got a lot of sling time.

If it makes you feel any better my children are 10 and 6 now and I still have times when I totally freak out over nothing. It just comes along with the mommy package I think.

Though some of us get a bigger dose than others I think. I think I fall in to that category for sure.

To tag on to what Val said, it is a darn good thing these critters are cute, otherwise we'd never make it.

Woman with a Hatchet said...

Hey, *I* say "hang in there" and I mean it. With great feeling, especially when certain situations make you feel like you're hanging on to your sanity by your fingertips. So when I say "Hang in there", I'm really saying "Cling to your sanity with everything you've got because this situation is gonna suck. Until it suddenly doesn't anymore."

Or something like that.

Yay Ali! BFing is quite literally a pain, but like Val said, with kids there's no way but THROUGH the current situation.

More Possum pics!

Laura said...

I am so glad to hear you are feeling better! Breastfeeding is clumsy, awkward and painful at first, but it's all worth it. Persevere, like everyone says. Push through, because you will have such a rewarding relationship with your son as a result. My son never took to the sling (or maybe it was me...) but he lived in the bjorn carrier all day every day. Hey, just wait until you learn to cook with him latched on and to type on the computer over his head! Skills.

dan g said...

I can't believe you haven't said a word about K-Fed getting sole custody of Britney's children!