Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Baby blues suuuuck

Sorry I've disappeared but I seem to be trapped in some unidentifiable level of Hell. Scratch that. It's quite identifiable - Breastfeeding. I'm working with a lactation consultant and a post-partum doula to try and figure out why it's not working. Not to be a total downer (sleep deprivation makes me weepy) but not being able to do something that's so fundamentally part of being a woman makes me feel like a complete failure. It's totally irrational I know - breastfeeding has little to do with good parenting (my mother didn't breastfeed me and she's the best parent in the world). Still, lacking Mother's Milk, as it were, hits hard and deep.

Did anyone else go through this?

More when I'm in a better place.


Doyce said...

Kaylee's mom had breast-reduction surgery about seven years before KK was born. As a result only one breast really had any chance at all of producing milk, and while it did with mechanical aid, it was WAY more time/effort than the payoff warranted (sometimes an hour of pumping would do little more than cover the bottom of a small bottle).

So we found a formula that worked, and we used that, and Kaylee is happy, healthy throughout her infancy (despite 'only' getting formula), well-adjusted, and totally bonded to both of us, since we took turns feeding. (This is a hidden benefit of formula feeding.)

Is breast feeding beneficial? Sure. However, remember that modern formula is very very good.

As for feeling like this is some kind of failure...

Lady, you gave birth to 9 pound, 6 ounce child the old-fashioned away. There is no possible way your kick-ass female awesomeness could (or should) ever be called into question, EVEN (and ESPECIALLY) by you.

Missy said...

It just takes a while to get it going like you want. #1 was NOT INTERESTED after being bottle fed in the NICU. Took me about three weeks to really get it rolling with her and I had to use this lovely nipple shield to get her interested at all. Talk about feeling rejected. Even with #2 it was a good two weeks or more before I really felt like we had it going on well. Yeah, those magazine pictures of blissful mothers and their nursing babies should be outlawed. They set us mommies up for unreasonable expectations. Nursing is hard and really frustrating work in the beginning, and ain't nothing glamorous about it.

Laura said...

Trust "mother nature." You are giving your baby everything that he needs right now. Newborns only need a wee bit of food, and your nursing relationship will come into balance. I had no idea if I was giving my son what he needed at first, and he got jaundiced as a result. But it all came out right. Don't feel like a failure because you are not. Trust the relationship between you and your baby. It takes a little blind faith, but it will be worth it in the end.

Woman with a Hatchet said...

I felt the same for the first 4 weeks: not enough milk made me feel like a failure and the pain sucked. Eventually it all worked out and I am now a full time cow.

Hang in there!