Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Happy due date to me

They say it's my due date (dun-na-na-na-na-na-na) but apparently somebody didn't get the invite. (As Comfortingly Gay doctor put it, "Whole lotta nothin', hon.") There's something so disheartening about arriving at your due date only to discover that very little has changed in almost three weeks. I've bounced, I've walked, I've cajoled and climbed stairs. I'm calling to make an appointment with an acupuncturist and will soon be pursuing all the other routes you mamas know so well. (For those who aren't mamas, the routes are far more ookifying than acupuncture, trust me.) Something's got to motivate this kid! (My niece, the comedic genius, suggested placing a tiny glass of orange juice Down There. I'm not ruling it out.)

A friend of mine with two healthy, adorable kids said that her midwife recommended a glass of wine at night to make things a little more relaxed. Having bought hook, line and sinker into the whole No Drinking While Procreating thing I feel a little iffy about tippling, but I can't lie and say that a half a glass of red wouldn't do me a world of good. Of course I had to call the doctors office and ask if it was okay and of course I got Mean Doctor who belittled me for asking such a ridiculous question and why did I want to know if I could drink and who was this midwife who recommended this and did I honestly think it would help bring on labor and... and... a half a glass of wine probably wouldn't harm the baby. (I discovered that it's not just me he loathes. I heard him on the phone this morning berating a woman for passing out at her amnio. He kept going, "But why did you pass out? What would make you pass out?" I wanted to shout, "The REALLY BIG FUCKING NEEDLE IN HER STOMACH is what made her pass out, asshat!" But since there's a strong possibility that he'll be delivering my child, I felt it best to keep my trap shut.)

I'm supposed to go in on Monday to get checked again. I have absolutely no interest in getting induced unless I absolutely, positively have to and the doctors seem to feel the same way. That said, if I wait until week 42 - which is the longest they'll let me go - it'll just be the baby and me. (Matt will be back at work and mom will be gone by then.) That prospect? Grim indeed.


Woman with a Hatchet said...

The mean doctor sounds decidedly sucky. He sounds like the doc in Knocked Up (Which we finally saw and I really enjoyed,). I can tell you from MY amnio that I nearly passed out and I had to get stuck 3 times, so he should just SHUT IT! Unless he'd like to try an amnio himself?

I'd be willing to help him out there.

BTW, hang in there! It's very possible that the due date is wrong, if you/your docs aren't spot on regarding the date of conception. Besides, 40 weeks is just a rough average....

Drink the wine!

Missy said...

Things can change fast too. A whole lotta nuthin' this morning (or afternoon) can become a whole lotta something today or tomorrow, or the day after that.

I am glad they are not pushing inducing on you, especially with the nearness to Christmas and all. I have heard stories from others about doctors deciding to induce so as not to interrupt their vacation or holiday plans. Because after all that is what is best for the baby and mother.(The previous line should be said with a heavy dose of sarcasm)

Although if it meant you missed out on a delivery assisted by Dr. Asshat....

Amanda said...

I say drink the wine, but, then again, I'm the one who suggested smoking to keep the li'l guy - well, li'l. So maybe you shouldn't listen to me.

Also, I'll be back in town by week 42 so at least you'll have someone with whiskey and cigars hanging out in the waiting room for you!

Oh - and thanks for the shout-out. Maybe you should also leave D&D figurines by the oj - if he's like his daddy, he'll be out their before you can say "buy one, get one dragons."