Sorry I disappeared. A loved one had a very scary brush with a very scary medical diagnosis that turned out to be (praise everything) benign, so now I'm back and ready to celebrate! Or have an identity crisis, whichever comes first!
We all know which is coming first.
Friday was my last day as a working woman. I am officially a Stay At Home Mom. A Stay At Home Mom. A SAHM.
Can you smell it? The pungent, nostril-curling smoke spewing from my brain? That, my friends, is the heady scent of panic.
I'm embarrassed that I'm even bringing this up, what with all the women who'd love the chance raise their child instead of shuffling off to a crappy 9-to-5, but there's something about bringing in income - providing something tangible - that my ego won't let go. While this pre-baby period is awesome in many ways (free time! nesting privileges! sleep!) it's the first time in my life that I haven't brought in income and it feels very selfish. (Who am I to sit at home nesting while my husband works eighty-two jobs to make ends meet? Why can't I keep the house clean, just because I have a baby? Who am I not to put my child into daycare, even though it will cost as much as I bring in, negating my pay?) Sure, I've spent the bulk of my adult life unemployed but it was government subsidized unemployment which is a whole different thing. This feels... dangly. Obviously it works both ways (if you go back to work are you neglecting your child? If you stay at home, will you neglect yourself?) but I'm curious if any of you other mothers experienced this. And if so, how did you deal?