Last night we had our first official childbirth education class. It was interesting. We talked about our feelings about labor. We had snacks. And then they showed us a video of a woman giving birth.
Let's get one thing clear: I am not going to handle this well.
Granted, I'm a big fat baby when it comes to fear and/or pain, but looking around the room at all these couples with big, sloppy, "miracle of life" grins on their faces, I couldn't help thinking I am doomed, doomed, doomed. Were they watching the same video I was? The one with all the screaming and writhing? Because to me it looked like a one-way ticket to Sucktown.
After it was over the instructor gave us a run-down of the stages of labor and told us how the body will naturally produce a hormone similar to heroin to dull the pain. Then she added that the body will stop producing this hormone the minute adrenaline kicks in and recommended that we do whatever possible to stop the body's "fight or flight" mechanism. I believe at one point she told us to cook a nice meal.
Here's what I know: Matt can light all the candles in the world and I'm still going to freak. Plus there's our cats to consider. We went through six months of them trying to kill each other because they heard a scary noise (don't ask). What the hell's gonna happen when mama is screaming her head off in the bathroom and daddy's running around the house shouting "It's pressure, not pain"?
Oh man... Oh man.
Childbirth Education Roundup -
Number of cookies consumed: 6
Number of vaginas viewed: 4
Number of times I considered calling this whole thing off: Too many to count