I made a shocking discovery this weekend: I am too big for my maternity clothes.
HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE?! I thought the whole point of maternity clothes is that they grow with you! How can it be that at only 26 weeks I can no longer fit into my gigantic, elastic waisted shorts? It's bad enough to have to suffer through wearing maternity clothes, but having to stuff yourself into uncomfortably tight maternity clothes is a serious low. (Seriously, Maternity Clothing Designers - what gives with the hideous, polyester-blend circus tents? Emphasize the bump! If you emphasize the bump and stay snug everywhere else it makes everything else seem small by comparison! How hard is this to understand?!) Lest you think I'm exaggerating about my size, I have belly pics. I'm not going to post them here but if you're interested, drop me a line. I warn you, it's a little shocking. On the playground recently a small child came running up and lifted my shirt.
(small child) "WHAT HAVE YOU GOT IN YOUR STOMACH?"
(me) "It's a baby!"
(small child, scowling in disbelief) "IS IT A BABY ELEPHANT?!"
Here's a tip: When approaching a pregnant woman, instead of saying "My god, you're so huge!" try "My god, you look so pregnant!" Works wonders on the psyche.