Sunday, July 29, 2007

Crazy ass

Week 20. It feels good. Solid. More secure then those "teen" weeks. And of course there are some interesting new developments on the physical front. And by "interesting" I mean "really, really gross".


Ladies: Weird things are happening to my Down There. Specifically veins. Big, crazy veins. But Ali, you ask, what's the problem with a few pesky veins? Surely they're not giant, worm-like varicose veins that make it difficult to sit for longer than a half an hour at a time, rendering writing and important TV watching impossible!

Oh no? (So much for book writing and long car rides...)

Not only do I have this bizarre vein thing overtaking my tush, but there is swelling. Swelling of things that do not normally swell. The doctor says it's due to weight gain and my uterus and that there's nothing to be done but I can't help but wonder: if this sort of insanity is happening at five months, what the hell's gonna happen at nine! Could my Down There explode? I THINK MY DOWN THERE MIGHT EXPLODE!

Boys, a word of advice: The next time you proclaim that you'd gladly trade places with your pregnant wife, THINK AGAIN.


Woman with a Hatchet said...

Are you talking about hemorrhoids? Or something...else?

If the former, I know what you mean, lady. I know what you mean. The only solution that I understand is to atay off your tush as much as you can, try to reduce swelling with assorted medications or a sitz bath or cold compresses and don't strain while using the bathroom.

Read this.

Sorry I don't have anything cheerier to offer! My condolences! only 4 more months to go!

Not very useful and yes, you're looking at the rest of the pregnancy. Your weight and the pressure only increases over time. Have you tried working your Kegel exercises? They may help somewhat.

ktbuffy said...

Down there up front or behind?

Ali said...

It's not hemorrhoids (luckily) but they do mention the veins in the article you mentioned, WWAH, and that seems to be what I'm experiencing. (Psst, Buff - the cheek of my right tush and in the crease where your inner thigh meets your Down There.) The doc said that it's just the pressure of my uterus but since that's only going to get worse as I get bigger, it's definitely cause for concern. (He said the only solution was to sit on my head, and although I'm tempted - you could do that with yoga, right? - he was just kidding.)

X said...

We men will continue to proclaim that we would gladly switch places with you pregnant women. We shall proclaim it from the rooftops. We shall proclaim it from the heights of the world. Yea, verily, we shall proclaim such devotion from the very depths of our souls...that is, until it becomes an actual scientific possibility. When that happens we shall proclaim that our child shall be gestated as nature intended.