It's official - there are no clothes that fit me.
Because it was my birthday (did I mention?) the Powers That Be at Banana Republic descended with a 50% off coupon, which is really the only way I could afford to shop there. (Yes, Banana Republic is my ceiling. Man, I need to get a job.) But here's the thing - nothing fits. How hard is it to make flattering jeans? I know I'm not alone in loathing the low-rise. Has no one given birth?! Alls I want is something that covers the muffin top and skims the leg. No weird washes or creases or artificial tears. No stupid "skinny jeans." Over the muffin. Skim the leg. Not. That. Hard.
So what did I purchase with my magic coupon? A pair of jeans. Giant, giant jeans. They call them a "boyfriend" fit which sounds sexy but really just translates into baggy. Baggy is a big seller in my life. I've never met an oversized anything I didn't like. I am aware of this because I'm going dancing tomorrow and I have nothing in my closet that doesn't swallow me. I used to look good. I was actually sort of known for my sense of style, back when I had disposable income and a waist. I wore things that were cute and could be dry cleaned. Now I wear cliches. (Cue any movie featuring a frazzled housewife.) It's not that I want to look sexy - I'm long past earning a double take - but the lead singer is an friend of mine that I haven't seen in over a decade and I'd like not to look like a parent.
Anybody found the holy grail of shopping? Clothes that look good on someone other than a model?