Thursday, March 11, 2010

My next life will be art directed by Anthropologie.

It's official - there are no clothes that fit me.

Because it was my birthday (did I mention?) the Powers That Be at Banana Republic descended with a 50% off coupon, which is really the only way I could afford to shop there. (Yes, Banana Republic is my ceiling. Man, I need to get a job.) But here's the thing - nothing fits. How hard is it to make flattering jeans? I know I'm not alone in loathing the low-rise. Has no one given birth?! Alls I want is something that covers the muffin top and skims the leg. No weird washes or creases or artificial tears. No stupid "skinny jeans." Over the muffin. Skim the leg. Not. That. Hard.

So what did I purchase with my magic coupon? A pair of jeans. Giant, giant jeans. They call them a "boyfriend" fit which sounds sexy but really just translates into baggy. Baggy is a big seller in my life. I've never met an oversized anything I didn't like. I am aware of this because I'm going dancing tomorrow and I have nothing in my closet that doesn't swallow me. I used to look good. I was actually sort of known for my sense of style, back when I had disposable income and a waist. I wore things that were cute and could be dry cleaned. Now I wear cliches. (Cue any movie featuring a frazzled housewife.) It's not that I want to look sexy - I'm long past earning a double take - but the lead singer is an friend of mine that I haven't seen in over a decade and I'd like not to look like a parent.

Anybody found the holy grail of shopping? Clothes that look good on someone other than a model?


Missy said...

Wow! You are going dancing tomorrow? How fun. How adult. I can't remember the last time I went dancing. It was likely at someone's wedding.

I hate the low rise jeans. Truthfully I have been getting most of my jeans at old navy. My two favorites are the sweetheart or the dreamer.

I am still riding my weight loss high when I buy clothes. So I feel a bit more adventurous than I have for the past 12 years.

However that all may change when I go swimsuit shopping this weekend and will have unflattering reminders that despite weightloss Babette is still hanging around. My middle. I think she is here for life.

Have a great time tomorrow!

Peyton said...

I have a 16-month-old and am struggling to get my waist back, as well. My abs haven't come back together and I get a vertical bulge along my abdominal wall if I lean back (looks really sexy, natch). I finally found the right work out for it (Jane Fonda-style ab work - all upper abs). For jeans, I'd say try the Not Your Daughter's jeans, which slim and lift. They're pretty pricey, though, so you could hit the Macy's and get the Levi's Slimming Boot Cut. For a top, try an internationally-inspired top (think Indian tunic, for example - dark base color with metallic or glittery touches). I got an Indian-style tunic and a Mexican/peasant-style top from Macy's INC line on uber-clearance. I don't know if it is the Holy Grail (that would be a Spanx), but it is pretty darned good.

Margot said...

Martin & Osa. Like a more adult, interesting version of the Gap, and not as square as Banana. Their trouser cut jeans are FAB and they're on sale right now for $60.

My midsection looks like a war zone after 2 kids, and the trouser jeans from M&O fit me so well--no bulging, not too low rise but not a mom-jean waistband. They have other styles too, so check them out.

Frankly I think a large part of the shopping for jeans problem right now is the whole "skinny skinny" cut vs. the baggy slouchy boyfriend. That doesn't leave any decent middleground for grown ladies with poochy bellies :D

Beth Lemon said...

I found the Sweetheart style at Old Navy to be OK. It's a regular rise (they have a higher one called the Dreamer but I'm too shortwaisted for it).

It comes in a really dark wash and a boot cut that is not flared.

This style runs larger than the Flirt (the style I wore before I gave birth). It's worth a trip to the fitting room when they're on sale for less than $20.