Tuesday, October 6, 2009

THE ONE WHERE I OUT MYSELF AS A CRAPPY PARENT

I know how ya feel, kid.


I've never understood how attachment parents do it. I'm not saying that I don't understand attachment parents - hell, I was one (at least inadvertently) for the first 6 months of Owen's life. I just don't know how they survive. Maybe it's because the boy has been sleeping with me on the saggy, baggy loveseat most nights (still so sick! Still!) or perhaps I'm just going stir crazy from our housebound state but I am seriously twitchy for break from the babe. I say this knowing full well how lucky I am, that there are women who work full-time who that would gladly trade places with me. But really, there's only so much baby I can take. And sleeping with him (especially on a Barbie-sized sofa) sucks the life out of me.

Right now parenting feels a touch tedious. I try to remind myself that he's only little once and that some day he'll shove me away when I go to cuddle him and think that playing with me is akin to punishment, but there are days when I would gladly sell him to the gypsies for 5 minutes on Facebook. Sometimes I get irrationally angry. Especially in the middle of the night. Especially nights like last night where he was awake for 3. solid. hours. (At 4 am I gave myself a time out after announcing that our son was staying awake on purpose, and that I no longer wanted any more children.) I should really cut the kid some slack. He can't breathe and feels crummy and the sheets feel scratchy and the plastic cover we've put on his mattress makes loud crinkly noises every time he moves and his body aches and he probably has a fever. But I still get pissed.

I know this isn't an uncommon complaint. Parenting mags devote heavy ink to the "I'm sick of my kids" contingent. I just haven't figured out a solution. What do you do when you're feeling DONE, aside from stenciling "This Too Shall Pass" over the crib? (Feel free to chime in with your own tales of woe so I d0n't feel quite so crummy.)

8 comments:

Tor said...

I am attachmentish. I didn't intend to be, but desperate times mean desperate measures, and if the choice is co-sleeping or no-sleeping then I'll take co.
Emotionally I quite like the attachmentish stuff, but physically I just can't hack it.

But even though I emotionally like co-sleeping I still regularly lose my shit over it with frustration. So then we try sleep-training, which ends up being even worse so I give up. Until it all builds up again. Rinse & repeat every few months.

He turns 2 in a few weeks and we are sleep-training *again*. Although he might finally be ready for it as we are finally having a little progress instead of just massively backwards disasters (have I just jinxed myself?).

I obviously have no solution. Just commiserations.

jeff said...

I kicked a hole in the wall because I couldn't get one of our kids to take a bottle. Feel any better?

Ali said...

Tor - I hear ya about not being able to hack attachment physically. I end up spending the entire time I'm "sleeping" with him thinking mean, mean thoughts. The sleep. Ugh. We co-slept for the first 6 months out of sheer desperation too, then we tried Cry It Out which was a dis-aaaaaaas-ter (although I hear it works for a lot of babies. Just not mine). Please let me know how it goes. Do you have a blog?

Jeff - I'm totally asking Missy if this is true. (Please let it be true.)

Missy said...

Yes it is true. Came home from work to find a foot sized hole in the wall of our mudroom.

I gave him the rest of the night off.

Of course you are in the worst of the worst parenting times, sick toddler.

I remember once #1 was sick when she was about 2 and honest to God all she wanted me to do was read the same book to her ALL FUCKING DAY. While she laid on me.

I also once yelled at her and scared the crap out of her by slamming the door in her room when she was about 8 months old,for refusing to take a nap when I DESPERATELY needed to study for the Oral exam I had to take to complete my masters degree.

So yeah we all have our less than stellar parenting moments.

The cure for me, was exactly what you say you want and that is a break. Problem was I sucked (and still kinda do) at taking them.

My favorite break of choice is to go shopping all alone.

Woman with a Hatchet said...

I have a giant tale of woe bubbling up in me, but will it make you feel better to know that Eric has kicked a hole in the wall while holding Logan who wouldn't stop screaming?

Also, just to help you feel better, I regularly lose my cool, yell at ALL the children and haul the little ones off into their cribs for a time out/nap just so I can be alone, to the sweet serenade of their screams. Only THIS time, it's from a distance. Because, yup, I'm a fab fucking SAHM.

Anonymous said...

I found this blog post after googling "I'm sick of my kids." Sick toddler is a tough parenting time but sorry, Missy, I have discovered that teenage hell is the toughest parenting time of all. I promise, flabbypants, this too really shall pass, and you will look back on the barbie-couch nights with nostalgia. I am quite sure I will not feel any nostalgia for the "I don't want to write that paper and I want to quit piano and what's for dinner and leave me alone and take me out to practice driving and I don't want to get up even though it's noon" days. And I hear it's worse when they start dating.

Peace and here's wishing you some much-needed rest,

tass

Squarebush said...

Oh please!! I have 5 kids (now 6 to 17) Children grow for a reason!! All my children slept with me in the beginning, thus I have a large (california king) bed. I put a rail on one side and put the baby/toddler between me and the rail. I was blessed with a 5th child because she is the one that got the 4th one to finally sleep through the night!!! (she use to get up constantly, as a baby she would sleep in 15 minute increments for a total of 4 hours in 24 hours! I was a total zombie) As soon as #5 was old enough (not nursing at night!) I put her in bed with her sister and they have slept peacefully ever since. They are extremely close even though age wise they are 3 years apart.

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