Tuesday, October 6, 2009
THE ONE WHERE I OUT MYSELF AS A CRAPPY PARENT
I've never understood how attachment parents do it. I'm not saying that I don't understand attachment parents - hell, I was one (at least inadvertently) for the first 6 months of Owen's life. I just don't know how they survive. Maybe it's because the boy has been sleeping with me on the saggy, baggy loveseat most nights (still so sick! Still!) or perhaps I'm just going stir crazy from our housebound state but I am seriously twitchy for break from the babe. I say this knowing full well how lucky I am, that there are women who work full-time who that would gladly trade places with me. But really, there's only so much baby I can take. And sleeping with him (especially on a Barbie-sized sofa) sucks the life out of me.
Right now parenting feels a touch tedious. I try to remind myself that he's only little once and that some day he'll shove me away when I go to cuddle him and think that playing with me is akin to punishment, but there are days when I would gladly sell him to the gypsies for 5 minutes on Facebook. Sometimes I get irrationally angry. Especially in the middle of the night. Especially nights like last night where he was awake for 3. solid. hours. (At 4 am I gave myself a time out after announcing that our son was staying awake on purpose, and that I no longer wanted any more children.) I should really cut the kid some slack. He can't breathe and feels crummy and the sheets feel scratchy and the plastic cover we've put on his mattress makes loud crinkly noises every time he moves and his body aches and he probably has a fever. But I still get pissed.
I know this isn't an uncommon complaint. Parenting mags devote heavy ink to the "I'm sick of my kids" contingent. I just haven't figured out a solution. What do you do when you're feeling DONE, aside from stenciling "This Too Shall Pass" over the crib? (Feel free to chime in with your own tales of woe so I d0n't feel quite so crummy.)