I never realized how unpopular I was until I joined Facebook.
For the two of you who don't spend your free time socially networking, Facebook is an online networking tool that has an annoying policy of making sure you are "friends" with the person you want to stalk. In order to find out what Johnny Coolguy's been up to since Landon Middle School, you have to send them a little note asking if they'll agree to be your friend. It's like slightly higher tech 4th grade. At first this didn't bother me. I was new to social networking and happy to reach out, figuring people would be just as excited to hear about me as I was about them. So I contacted the boy who refused to be my partner at Starlight Skate Center and the girl who'd mocked me in 7th grade, and each accepted my overly enthusiastic requests. But instead of feeling like Reunion Funtimes, asking people to Friend me was starting to feel... familiar. (If you were ever someone's fourth choice to the prom - holla! - you probably understand.) And the more time I spent on Facebook, the more it began to dawn on me that nobody was Friending me.
Here's where it gets really pathetic.
I always assumed people from high school wondered about me. Not often or with any depth of thought but, you know, just in the way you wonder about people. I wonder about people all the time, especially people I didn't really know. (Where the heck is Kirsten Danes? And what about F.J. Rost? Ooh, he's on FB!) There were a couple of people that found me, sure, which always gave my ego a little pat (thanks, guys!) but scrolling through my real-life friends' FB Friend lists gave me pause; tons of people, some of whom I'd been genuinely close to were listed, and not one of them had contacted me.
To quote the Duckman, "Do I o-ffend?"
I understand that none of this is a big deal and yes, I realize that there are perfectly adequate therapists willing to discuss this issue, but I'm thinking that maybe I should just break up with FB and leave my ego in peace. If nothing else, I can always go back to Google-stalking...