Monday, December 8, 2008

Thank god he's cute.

Okay, baby sickness? Sucks my balls. Combine it with low-level mama sickness and you've got a recipe for Grumpo Fantastico. Forget blogging; breathing was the name of the game. Thank god that b.s. is over.

Although the boy is still a few weeks away from Birthday! we had our 1 year Well Baby check today which involved some nice, big needle sticks. Blood draw for the boy (looks like he inherited his father's crazy clotty blood. The nurse had to use a suction device to get the it into the the tube) and a routine thyroid check for me (no suction needed. I bleed like a fiend. Which reminds me of the birth story I never told you about...) and flu shots for us both. I listened to your advice and did the deed. I won't lie, mama was tense (heart surgery at 5 has made me freaky about getting poked) but luckily the office has an "injection expert" which might just be the most double-entreable job title ever. Dude was like lightening with that thing! The boy didn't even wince! (If only he'd been there for my epidural... Did I mention that mine was done by a student?) Anyways, baby's good. 23.6 lbs, 30-something inches. Nice and hearty. We're splitting immunizations so we have to go back in a month for the MMR, chicken pox (which I still say we don't need since he was already exposed but I was voted down by hubby and doc) and his second flu shot. Should be fun.

On another note, the whole "learning to stand" thing blows. For the past 4 days, our nights have looked something like this:

6:00 pm - Father at work. Mother edges baby towards sleep.
6:30 pm - Rocking and humming and patting and singing. Knowing from past experience that "drowsy but awake" is not applicable during growth spurts/teething/new skills, waits until child is out cold before moving towards crib.
6:35 pm - As baby's head hits mattress, baby is jerked up on all fours by unseen forces (possibly demonic) and compelled to reach for railing in order to practice newly aquired standing ability.
7 pm - Still rocking and humming, having tried to put baby down twice with no success. (See: 6:35 pm)
7:30 pm - Baby finally asleep.

9:00 pm - Intense crying heard over baby monitor. Calls of "mammmmmmadaaaaaaada" elicit appropriate levels of parental heartbreak/motivation.
9:10 pm - Baby asleep. Self-congratulatory high-fives would be exchanged but mother only one home.

11 pm - Crying heard over baby monitor. Father, recently home from work, takes over next shift.
11:45 pm - Baby asleep, after 2-3 failed attempts at crib transfer. (Mother feigns sleep, unable to tune out sound of hysterical baby uncertain why body keeps forcing him up, up, up.)

2:00 am - Crying heard over monitor. Mother's turn.

4:00 am - Mother stumbles to bed carrying child. Possible cursing from mother, half-asleep mumbling from father, squeals from overtired, overstimulated, now-very-awake infant.
4:30 am - Baby asleep on father's chest. Transfer to crib.

5:30 am - Singing heard over baby monitor. Time to make the donuts.

I have total sympathy for the kid. I can't imagine what it must be like to be jolted awake every two to three hours.

Oh wait.

I know it will pass, we've been through this before. In the meantime, where's the wine at?

6 comments:

Missy said...

Sounds sort of like my night last night. Only I was awakened at 1:30 AM by a crying #2 complaining of a tummyache. I gave her my all time best remedy for a tummyache..go to the bathroom. A few minutes later I hear her crying and find her lying on the bathroom floor. She says she feels like she is going to puke and then proceeds to do so. Rinse and repeat EVERY. 5-10 MINUTES. UNTIL. 4:30 AM. I wish I was exaggerating. She was hitting the toilet so well until the last round. Then we had to do sheet changes. So yeah...sick kids blow donkey balls. What I want to know is why all childhood illness must strike in the middle of the night. Why???? Hope your guy settles down again soon!

Ali said...

Oh maaaaan. That trumps my night COMPLETELY. Food poisoning? Virus? Poor Missy... (and poor #2!)

Woman with a Hatchet said...

Bleah! Those both sound horrible!

The childhood illnesses wait until Fridays after doctor's hours are over and for the middle of the night. It's all about building character. Although what we want all this damned character for, I don't know.

What am I, a cartoon?!

Dan G said...

You have balls? Jesus. I've known you for years. How did this never come up?

elisava said...

drug him up. seriously. let everyone get a night of rest. tings always look better after some sleep.

elisava said...

tings look even better is ye runs spell checkkkkkkk