Friday, June 27, 2008

Let's play Guess What Time Will Woke Up?

Today I hit a new low.

Will would not nap this morning. Even though he kept yawning and rubbing his eyes until they were pink, he would not, not, not go to sleep. I would rock and pat and sing until he drifted, then gently put him in the crib only to find him, five minutes later, grinning at me from between the slats. (Serves me right for trying to sleep in the same room.) We went through this THREE TIMES - rock, rock, sing, pat, snooze, smile. This is the part where a sane person would have gotten up, said Fuck it, We're Done and gone on with her day. An hour and a half later I was still sitting there in the g-d nursing chair, bawling into Will's hair. I literally wiped my nose on my kid's head. Nice.

Somehow I have lost all objectivity. When I was a nanny I was a realist. The boy wouldn't go down for his nap, oh well. As long as he was quiet and didn't bother me he was fine. As far as I was concerned if he wasn't sobbing, he was resting. Sleep would happen or it wouldn't, but it was out of my control. If he missed his nap, oh well. Guess he'd be tired.

Where the hell did that person go?

It sounds ridiculous to say that I feel psychologically damaged from the first few months of Will's life but between the colic (did you know that they play the sound of babies crying in prison camps to trigger anxiety?) and the miserable experience we had with Cry It Out, I've lost my marbles. All these newly babied celebrities keep gushing about how wonderful and fuzzy and great and sweet Life With Baby is, and it is, but I'm just dying to hear Julia Roberts announce that if her twins don't start sleeping through the night she's going to give them to the pool boy.


Missy said...

I think it is easier to gush when you have all the time, and help that massive amounts of money can buy.

That realization of just how different it really is when it is YOUR kid is nasty mind blowing kick in the crotch.

#1 went on an I am not interested in napping phase at about the age Will is now. I remember because I was knee deep in trying to prepare for my final case presentation and oral exams to finish up my masters degree. I had a huge bawling meltdown one day about it all. Then I felt a lot better. OK I felt a lot better when I was on the plane back home after passing the exams, but my point is...eventually it passed on and I felt better. Until the next issue. That is the other crotch kicking thing. Really with parenting...there is always something. I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer here, but 10 years in to this gig, that is one thing I have learned. Funny how it doesn't stop me from wishing or thinking that it will be otherwise.

Anonymous said...

It amazing how much you can complain even though all you wanted was a child.

Some of us it turns out, can't have children, and would give anything to have these problems.

pursuedbyabear said...

She is not complaining, she is commiserating. It is something those of us with babies like to do to feel we are not alone in our struggles and to have a good laugh which she very much provides. Just because you have had the heartache learning you can not have children, is no reason to kick at someone else. Don't put your issues onto someone else.

Anonymous said...

wow. more shallow unkindness. nice.

Missy said...

Though it may be considered "unkind" I would feel remiss if I did not make a remark to annonymous.

I can only assume from the somewhat passive aggressive tone that came across in your comment that you are the person who is unable to have children. That is very sad and unfortunate and you quite obviously are struggling with that issue. If my assumptions are correct, then I must ask why you are subjecting yourself to blogs that deal with childrearing and new motherhood? A google search should quickly bring up several blogs written by people who have dealt with infertility and perhaps you can find some help or solace there.

Every parent's journy to mother/fatherhood is unique. Regardless of what the person had to go through to get there will not change the fact that parenting is very often full of things that are less than pleasant, and to discuss/complain/comisserate whatever you wish to call it does not mean that the parent is ungrateful or should be made to feel guilty because they choose to honestly share their feelings and experience. Because no matter how badly you want a child or how hard you had to work to get there it is a gurantee that things will get hard, you will feel bad and perhaps have less than rosy feelings about your child. I have yet to meet a parent yet that didn't have that experience. That includes those who had to fight long and hard to become parents. Parents need to vent and complai nand should not be made to feel that they do not appreciate the gift of having a child because they experience normal feelings. Most mothers are experts at creating more guilt than is necessary on their own without the help of annonymous strangers.

Also...this is a blog...the writer is using a voice that is not necessarily an exact replication of true feelings or experience. So lighten up.

Anonymous said...

I defend anonymous.

This is a public blog and the writer advertises it on her public facebook page. As far as I understand, that means anyone can read and comment on it.

I'm sorry that one comment that wasn't from the writers cheerleader crew of family and friends has gotten everyone's burp cloths in a twist.

I too I don't find the writers voice all that amusing.