Thursday, March 13, 2008

Sure the girl is pretty, but $5,000 pretty?

So this is what 36 looks like, huh? Not too shabby I suppose, given the circumstances. And we all know to what circumstances I'm referring, and yes, those are the same circumstances that have kept me from blogging (or answering email or reading email) for days now. Unfortunately I can only type when I have my hands free (unlike Hatchet I can't type one-handed. Damn you, lack of a useful skill) so unless the kid is sleeping in the sling, my hands are busy doing things like trying to encourage tummy time or doing dishes or holding the remote while breastfeeding. (Rock of Love ain't gonna watch itself.) I won't lie, things were ugly - U-G-L-Y - for awhile. I won't bore you with the details but suffice it to say, prolonged lack of sleep makes things grim. How bad did it get? Bad enough that we paid for a consultation with an infant sleep specialist. She came highly recommended by our pediatrician and the testimonials were beyond glowing. She was to come to our house, suss out the situation and offer a personalized, step-by-step plan to get our guy some zzz's. Granted, it seemed like a lot to cover in only an hour ("unless you want to arrange a follow up consultation...") but we figured what the hell? All we had to lose was money.

Oh yeah, money.

The going rate for sleep in this city? Three hundred and fifty smackers.

Did I mention it was only an hour?

Not that any of it - the outrageous cost, the magnitude of the task - stopped us. You promise that my baby will sleep, I'll give you massages covered in truffles coated in gold. Desperation drives people to do crazy things. $350 an hour things. (Apparently in some cases, $80,000 things. Click for pics!) So was it worth it? Does $350 buy happiness? Hell to the N-O.

Instead, a very nice, very intelligent twenty-something came over, sat in our living room, and regurgitated the opening chapter of "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". We learned all about infant sleep cycles and brain development and what to expect when we start sleep training which we can't do until he's 14 weeks. Turns out, we can't do much of anything until he's 14 weeks. Which would have been good to know - BEFORE WE SPENT $350. We sat there smiling and nodding, waiting for her to get to the point (what can we do now) but she just kept burping up variations of wait and see. ("Well, when he hits this next developmental milestone...", "In a few weeks you should start seeing major changes!") That's fine and good but for $350, I want to learn something I DIDN'T ALREADY KNOW. ANNNNND! If you're promising solutions, I expect them to be more creative and interesting than melonfarming cry-it-out! If I wanted to do a modified Ferber (which, yes, is what we're going to do) than I could've just re-read one of the gazillion sleep books gathering dust on my bookshelves or called Missy for some good old-fashioned hand holding. To give her some credit, she did offer some much needed reassurance that Will is on track developmentally and some things to look forward to in the weeks to come (consolidating sleep!) but I still get a little sick when I think about writing out that check.

That said, all is not lost. Some sanity has been regained. And the best part? The solution was totally free. I was talking to another sleep deprived mommy and she said that she and her husband slept in shifts. He took the first one - 10 pm to 2 am - and she did the second - 2 to 6 am. At first it sounded crazy but last night we decided to give it a go. And friends, it was heaven. Right now we're still sleeping in separate rooms but once we get our spankin' new co-sleeper set up (expect a call this weekend, Boyers) we'll have something that resembles a life - at least for three more weeks until we start sleep training...

6 comments:

Woman with a Hatchet said...

I'm so sorry, Ali.

I have a weird question for you though: have you had any x-rays taken of Will, by any chance? I'm wondering about the possibility of undiscovered birth trauma injuries. Hairline fractures.

I don't want to freak you out, but it's something that popped into my head because of this post.

Ali said...

Wow, what a horrible thing that poor woman is going through... Jesus...

Will doesn't seem uncomfortable (except for the teething) and he just got a thorough check from the pediatrician so I think he's fine physically. When he's awake he's a totally happy, smiley baby - very interactive and energetic - he just doesn't want to sleep unless he's being held. I think he's genuinely fine, just stubborn!

Missy said...

Holy Shit. I think I have just decided that I am packing up the family and moving to NYC so that I can begin to dispense all this information I have about children to people and charge a motherfin' arm and two damn legs for it. I am sorry that the sleep specialist didn't offer more. I had such high hopes for you guys!

Call away about the co-sleeper set up. Spring Break starts for us at the end of the work day tomorrow so we will be home all week!Putting that thing together intimidated the hell out of me, but my hubby insists that it is not too difficult....

Woman with a Hatchet said...

Is it time for Benadryl?

Not that I'd say anything like that, aloud. Too often. : )

Missy, you'd make a killin'! Except living in NY sucks. Grew up there, hated it. Creeps and creepy stalkers abound. My older sister loves it for some reason, but NY and I are quits.

There are only so many times one can be "almost" attacked before one says "Eff this!" and beats it outta there. Hell, my kid sister was almost gang raped. Good thing she was very very fast.

Missy said...

Yeah, I would absolutely hate living in NY. My two years in Oakland, CA cured me of urban living.

Maybe I should see what people would pay around here.......

Valerie said...

I hope you go back to your ped and and say that this was not helpful. And they might only recommend it after 14 weeks when it could be more helpful. Sheesh.

Oh hey, I also read about this book on a parenting blog that I read all the time. The thing I liked about the article is that she mentions that a book would get her through a couple months and then another one seemed to work for later months. This one is working for her at 5 months, but that's her baby, maybe Will needs a different series. (And it won't cost $350... :) 90 minute Baby Sleep Program.

I know I know it's another book but you never know.

I couldn't do sleep training. At least not Ferber/Weissbluth(?) style. I've heard that some kids need the release of the crying to get to sleep and others just work themselves up. Either our boys were the latter and that sort of sleep training would have been quite painful, more than usual, or I'm just a wimp.