Clearly the bacon-chocolate fiasco wasn't that gut-wrenching because I found myself back at Vosges again yesterday. (What can I say? Free samples.) Usually sample time at Vosges consists of a broken up chocolate bar (fine by me!) but yesterday they were pulling out all the stops: TRUFFLES. As if that weren't awesome enough, they were featuring one of my faves: the Chef Pascal (kirsh and dried cherries in dark chocolate. Hella good). Along with mashed potatoes and toaster waffles, dried cherries are my downfall. Mix those dried cherries with dark chocolate... people, please. As I was reaching my pregnant paw toward the plate, I detected a whiff of disapproval coming from my left. I turned in time to see a Madonna-esque "I do yoga - and Botox" type shaking her head in my direction. At first I couldn't figure out why, but then I realized:
The truffle was made with liquor.
I am aware, gentle readers, that drinking and procreating do not mix. (Am I past procreating? Drinking and post-creating?) No matter how much I want a margarita - and I so, so want a margarita - I would never do anything to intentionally harm Possum. That said, IT WAS A FUCKING TRUFFLE. And I'm not talking about one of those liquor filled jobbies, the kind you used to sneak as a kid at Christmas. This was a fancy, $3 jobbie, scented with liquor! In no way was this thing alcoholic! Still, I got a little panicky. I mean, who knows, right? If a person isn't supposed to eat peanut butter while pregnant, god knows what liquor flavoring could do.
Figuring I might as well go right to the source, I turned to Madonna, truffle in hand. "Um, there isn't enough alcohol in here to actually hurt a baby, right?"
To my surprise, she started chuckling. "No, you'll be fine," she said, as I lifted the ball of deliciousness to my mouth. "It's the caffeine that will do the damage."
Really, has it come to this? I mean, sure, about to stick a crack pipe in my mouth? A gentle reminder might be due. Chasing a Hershey's 1/2 pounder with a Frappuccino? Fine - berate away. But come on, have we seriously come to the point where a pregnant woman can't eat a bite - a bite! - of chocolate without the Caffeine Police getting all huffy? Don't get me wrong, I am one seriously paranoid Pregger but when it comes to the danger scale, as far as I'm concerned caffeine rings in at a -3. Yes, women who consume caffeine can go into premature labor and can have smaller babies... But I am a motherfucking menace if I don't have my cup of tea each morning. In fact, sometimes I even have a brownie. On the SAME DAY!